


Of Love and Loss

by citylights319



Category: Football RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: F/M, FC Barcelona, Football | Soccer, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-17 05:20:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11844759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/citylights319/pseuds/citylights319
Summary: “I’m here for you Leo,” Kun whispered again, his lips against Leo’s cheek. “Don’t forget.”He wished he could repeat it a hundred more times because Leo would forget. He would forget that Kun had told him this, he would forget to ask for help, he would forget that there were people out there who loved him and wanted to make his life easier. Leo tended to that. To conveniently forget.





	1. Broken

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this a little after the knock out stage of the Champions League. Right after Barca had lost to PSG in that first leg. (Before any of us knew the remontada would take place. Before Ney left, before Barca was left in the situation it’s in now. Before all of that.) The story starts right after the first or second La Liga game played after that UCL loss. (I think it was against Atletico Madrid.)

You see, the team was happy. 

They’d just gotten three more points, their spirits were high and what could possibly bring them down?

Laughter and chatter echoed off the walls leading to the locker room because yes. Every win was one step closer to becoming La Liga champions once again. The loss against PSG had weighed heavily on their minds, and okay maybe this game was in La Liga, not the UCL, and okay maybe they didn’t score that many goals today—but they had fought hard and won. They still had it in them. A win was a win. 

Marc grabbed Rafinha in the crook of his arm, laughing and rubbing his head. Rafa’s nose might now be slightly crooked, but his aim was straight and true. 

Neymar slung his arm around Messi’s shoulders, smiling at the Argentine who had saved Barca’s neck once again. He always seemed to being doing that. Saving them. Being there for them. The team relied on him. Not just for his skills, but for his encouragement. Gerard might be the backbone of Barcelona and Iniesta the father figure in their little family, but Leo…Leo was the heart. 

And that heart was about to be broken.

 

Half of the team made it through the dressing room doors, Leo included, before they realized something was wrong. Luis Enrique stood before them, looking nothing like a manager who had just seen his team triumph in another match. Instead he was massaging his temples. His face was pinched and drawn. He straightened up as the team trickled in and his eyes locked with Leo’s. They looked apologetic, but for what, Leo did not know. 

“Leo, let’s go to my office. Iniesta come as well please. Masch you too.”

Leo felt his pulse quicken, apprehension causing a prickle to travel up his spine. He barely sensed Iniesta clap a hand on his shoulder and Masch prod him along. He certainly didn’t notice them exchange worried glances over his shoulder. 

A hundred different scenarios ran through Leo’s mind as he stepped through the doorway into Enrique’s office. His heart skipped a beat as he saw his brother standing by the window.

“Rodrigo?” Messi’s heart gave a little stutter. “Is everything okay? Is it Mama? Papa? What—.”

Rodrigo cut him off. “It’s Antonela.” 

“Anto-,” Messi’s voice caught, his fist clenching. Antonela? What had happened?

“There was a car crash.” 

Rodrigo stepped towards him with his hand outstretched. Leo stepped back, bumping into Iniesta and Mascherano who were still behind him. He felt his heart clench in his chest, and struggled to take a breath. 

“What…What do you mean? Is she okay?” 

Rodrigo bowed his head for a second, too pained to answer. 

It was Enrique who spoke next. “The police say it was a drunk driver. Caused her to spin out on the highway and hit the divider.” 

Enrique glanced at Rodrigo, who seemed to mentally shake himself, forcing the next words out of his mouth.

“The doctors say she was killed on impact. There was no chance of survival at the speeds they were going and the force of the crash. I’m so sorry hermano.” 

Leo was frozen. 

“Today’s her birthday though.” His mind couldn’t seem to make sense of the words that had been uttered.

“I know.” Rodrigo’s voice was raspy. He stepped forward to pull Leo closer to him. “I know.”

“We were going to cut a cake. I bought balloons and everything. Thiago and Mateo were looking forward to it. I—.” Leo’s eyes widened in fear. “Thiago and Mateo! Were they in the car? Where are they?!” 

Rodrigo’s arms went around him. “They’re fine. They weren’t with her when it happened. They’re fine.” 

His words were soft and soothing and his embrace was warm, but Leo hardly noticed. His mind was elsewhere. Antonela? Dead? This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be real. 

Enrique glanced over at Iniesta and Masch who were motionless, staring in shock at the scene playing out before them and the news they had just heard.

“Tell the team,” Enrique murmured. They glanced at him, nodding. Iniesta put his hand on Leo’s shoulder and squeezed it, trying to put as much feeling into that one touch as he could. 

“We’re here for you hermano. Don’t worry about anything else, just focus on yourself right now.” Leo said nothing, still lost in thought. Masch glanced over at Iniesta, face despondent. 

“I’ll stop by later Leo,” Masch said, brushing his hand through Leo’s hair. He clapped Rodrigo on the shoulder and looked him in the eyes, trying to impart his feelings into the silent exchange. _Take care of him. This is Leo. We love him. _Rodrigo seemed to get it, closing his eyes briefly and nodding. He led Leo over to a chair and sat him down, kneeling in front of him.__

__

__Iniesta closed the door after he and Masch stepped out._ _

__“This is unreal,” he said._ _

__“This will hurt him so much,” Masch covered his face with his hands. He’d known Leo for many years now. He knew how much he loved Antonela. They’d been together for so long, had two beautiful sons together._ _

__“Oh God. They were going to get married this summer.”_ _

__Iniesta shook his head in disbelief._ _

__They reached the doors of the locker room and stood just outside. Masch glanced over at Iniesta._ _

__“You’ve got to be the one to tell them. As captain.”_ _

__His voice was quiet and desperate. Iniesta nodded, steeling himself for the announcement he was about to make._ _

__The locker room was eerily silent as they entered. Neymar was the first to speak up._ _

__“What is it? Is everything okay? Did something happen?” His voice shook slightly, and Gerard slung an arm over his shoulder in comfort. They all looked at Iniesta expectantly._ _

__He didn’t mince his words. “It’s Antonela. She was killed in a car crash today.”_ _

__A collective gasp rang throughout the room. The team started murmuring. Ivan’s eyes were wide. Neymar’s eyes filled with tears as Rafa sat down next to him heavily. Luis rubbed at his beard, worried about his friend._ _

__“What was—what was Leo’s reaction?” Jordi asked, his hands clasped in front of his face, as if in prayer._ _

__“I think he’s in shock. Rodrigo’s in there with him,” Masch answered._ _

__“What’s going to happen now?” Denis spoke up, his voice watery. Masch reached over and pulled him close, resting his chin on his head._ _

__“We be there for him. That’s all we can do. He’s got to focus on himself now. Thiago and Mateo—,” Iniesta’s voice caught and he cleared his throat, shaking his head. “Football isn’t so important anymore. This is Leo. We have to support him.”_ _

__

__Leo was tired._ _

__His living room was filled with people — family, friends, staff. There were so many arrangements to be made in such a short period of time and only Leo was here to make those decisions. Anto’s family was still in Argentina, as was most of Leo’s. Her body was to be flown out the next day, to be buried in her hometown._ _

__But right now. Right now Leo was tired._ _

__“Leo.” Leo looked up, bleary eyed at Mascherano. “Leo it’s late, maybe you should go to bed. We’ll finish up here and let ourselves out. We booked you guys a morning flight for tomorrow. Some of the guys and I will be flying out a little later, we couldn’t all get the same flight.”_ _

__Leo nodded, grateful for Masch’s levelheadedness in a time like this._ _

__He felt a tug on his jeans and looked down. Mateo was sniffling, tired and cranky from all the noise. Leo bent down and scooped him up, holding him close to his chest. Mateo was too young, too innocent to know of death. Leo envied him for a split second, wishing that he too could be so unaware. He shook the thought away, calling for Thiago and heading to their room._ _

__“Papa. Donde está mama?” Thiago whispered as Leo undressed him. His little face looked confused and he worried at his bottom lip. “Tío Rodrigo said she was flying to Argentina tomorrow. Are we going too?”_ _

__Leo froze, his mind blank. He couldn’t do this. He wasn’t ready. What should he say? Should he tell him the truth? Should he lie? Would Thiago even know the difference?_ _

__Anto would have known what to do, Leo couldn’t help but think. She always did. She was such a good mother—kind and caring and full of love for her sons. Leo closed his eyes against the onslaught of tears, not ready to let himself cry, certain that if he started now he would never stop._ _

__He couldn’t answer Thiago now. Maybe tomorrow, when he collected his bearings. For now, Leo just held him close._ _

__“Mama has to go to Argentina tomorrow, yes. We all have to go to bed now too, so we can wake up and get on a plane to follow her. Okay mi amor?”_ _

__Thiago’s eyes brightened at the prospect of seeing his mother again. Leo’s heart constricted, uncertain now with his choice. He sighed. It was better to say nothing tonight. Tomorrow was another long day and the boys needed their sleep._ _

__Leo grabbed Mateo from where he was crawling around on the floor and changed him, carrying him over to his crib. He tried to set him down, but Mateo’s grip tightened, refusing to let go._ _

__“Mateo, mi amor it’s time for bed.”_ _

__“Mama?” Mateo’s chin was quivering. Anto had always been the one to put him down to sleep and as little as he was, he knew that._ _

__“No mama tonight gordito.” Mateo’s eyes started filling with tears. Leo quickly glanced over at Thiago and was relieved to find he was already asleep._ _

__“Shhh Mateo, Papa is here. Come cariño, you can sleep with me tonight.” He carried him to his room and sat him down. Quickly shedding his clothes, he slid into bed, snuggling Mateo to his chest._ _

__Heart aching, Leo stared at the ceiling blankly, starting slightly as his phone suddenly vibrated next to him. Reaching carefully over Mateo’s sleepy form, he picked it up. 47 unread messages. Too tired to go through them all, Leo scrolled down, looking for a message he had already opened earlier today._ _

__Kun._ _

__Opening it, he pressed play on the video that was sent in a group chat with both him and Anto that morning._ _

__Qué los cumplas feliz  
que los cumplas feliz  
que los cumplas Tía Anto!  
que los cumplas feliz!_ _

__Benja’s little voice sang out, his soft voice standing out from Kun’s deeper one._ _

__“Say ‘te amo Tía!’” Kun prompted._ _

__“Te amo Tía Anto!” Benja blew kisses at the screen while Kun laughed fondly in the background._ _

__“Te amamos Anto. Have a great birthday my friend.”_ _

__The video ended, freezing on Kun’s cheesy smile._ _

__Just for a moment, Leo’s heart lightened._ _

__His fingers hovered over the screen pondering the best way to inform his friend about Anto._ _

__But he couldn’t. Leo couldn’t do it. He _couldn’t _type the words out.___ _

_____Why couldn’t he do it? ____ _ _ _

______Fingers shaking, Leo locked his phone and set it aside. Someone would tell Kun. He was sure of it._ _ _ _ _ _

______As Leo’s eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room, his gaze wandered. Anto’s brush was still out on the vanity from where she had left it that morning. Her blouse hung over a chair from the day before. A diamond earring rested on the lamp table beside their bed. It was one from a pair Leo had given her for their fifth anniversary. She was so sad to have lost the matching side a few days ago, but she had been certain it was somewhere in the house. Leo smiled slightly, remembering her promising adamantly that she would find it._ _ _ _ _ _

______She would never get the chance now._ _ _ _ _ _

______Leo’s smile disappeared._ _ _ _ _ _

______Her touch was everywhere. Her presence still lingered and Leo… Leo’s heart was heavy. He buried his head into his pillow, smelling her sweet scent mixed in with Mateo’s baby smell. He couldn’t believe she was gone._ _ _ _ _ _


	2. Kun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m here for you Leo,” Kun whispered again, his lips against Leo’s cheek. “Don’t forget.” 
> 
> He wished he could repeat it a _hundred_ more times because Leo _would_ forget. He would forget that Kun had told him this, he would forget to ask for help, he would forget that there were people out there who loved him and _wanted_ to make his life easier. Leo tended to that. To conveniently forget.

"Kun!"

Kun Aguero looked up from where he sat on the workout bench. 

"Kun did you check your phone recently?" Gabriel Jesus looked uneasy. 

Confused, Kun shook his head. "No, I actually haven’t looked at it since last night. I overslept this morning and rushed here for training. Why?”

Gabriel said nothing, waking over to the television on the wall directly opposite Kun and started flicking through the channels quickly. 

"Gabriel what—."

_"Well Sarah, we have some sad news to report today. Yesterday afternoon, Antonela Rocuzzo, partner of Lionel Messi, was involved in a fatal car crash in Barcelona. Police reports say her car was struck by a drunk driver, causing her to spin out and lose control. Rocuzzo was killed on impact. She was 29 years old.”_

_“She turned 29 yesterday in fact, Dave. Such devastating news for the Messi-Rocuzzo family. So far there has been no official statement from Lionel Messi or his team, but images have emerged of him and his two young sons at the Barcelona-El Prat airport this morning, presumably heading back to Argentina for the funeral."_

Kun tuned out the rest of her words, feeling sick to his stomach. 

"Oh my god," he whispered. There _must_ be some mistake.

Kun quickly strode to his gym bag, frantically searching for his phone. His heart was beating a mile per minute. Antonela!! Sweet Antonela? Oh god, poor Leo. He must be hurting so bad. And Thiago and Mateo! How scared they must— 

"Where the _hell_ is my phone!!" Kun upturned his entire bag, growing angrier the longer it took to find it. Worry and panic ate away at him. He sucked in a quick breath of relief as it clattered onto the bench. Grabbing it swiftly, he unlocked it.

17 unread messages. Most were from Masch, detailing the horrifying news. 

Kun scrolled past most of them, searching for a message from Leo. He found only one. It had been sent early this morning. Shaking, Kun tapped on it.

“Come to Argentina. Please.”

Kun sat down heavily on the bench. Leo. Considerate Leo, who never wanted to inconvenience anyone. Quiet Leo, who was a man of few words. Private Leo, a man who kept his feelings close to his heart and only bore them to the trusted few in his life. Resilient Leo, who was strong and good and full of meekness no matter what life threw his way. Caring Leo, who was always helping everyone but never asking for help in return.

This same Leo was hurting enough to ask Kun to come to Argentina. 

Kun booked the next flight out of England. 

 

The morning of the funeral was warm. The suns rays peaked in through the open windows, shining light on the Messi household where its members were anxious with activity. 

Except for Leo. 

Leo hadn’t slept the night before, his mind simultaneously awhirl with anxiety and a feeling of nothingness. He’d risen early in the morning, gotten dressed and sat down in Anto’s rocking chair near Mateo and Thiago’s beds. He hadn’t moved in the last hour. His mind was empty, his expression was empty, and so was his stomach actually. He hadn’t eaten since yesterday morning. 

There were still two hours left till the funeral commenced and Leo had yet to wake the boys up. He didn’t really want to. Because last night they found out Anto was dead.

You see, Mateo wasn’t a problem. He didn’t really understand. But Thiago. Thiago was suspicious from the moment they’d set foot in Argentina. He’d looked for Anto excitedly when Leo’s mother and father had come to pick them up. But she wasn’t there. Leo had no choice but to change the subject multiple times, ignoring the questions shot his way. 

That night Leo’s mom approached him. He’d been staring out the window lost in thought. 

_“Mi querido_ , why have you not told your sons about their mother?” Celia’s hand rested warmly on his shoulder and her gaze was soft.

Leo’s mind went blank. He couldn’t answer.

“Leo, tomorrow’s the funeral. I think Thiago will know something’s wrong.” 

“I can’t tell him.” Leo’s voice was tight. “I can’t tell him. Please mama, I can’t.” 

Celia stepped closer and put her arms around him, pressing her cheek to his, silent. Thiago was Leo’s baby, but Leo was hers. Her son, her life — and he was hurting so much. She stared out the window with him, contemplating. 

“I can tell them _hijo_. I can tell them for you.”

Leo’s heart stuttered as he turned and kissed her cheek. 

And so she told them. 

Thiago didn’t take it well. He didn’t really understand the death part, but the never going to see mama again part? He understood that too well. And he didn’t like it. Not one bit. He cried and threw a tantrum, causing Mateo to cry as well. It was late into the night when Leo finally got them to sleep. 

And now he was faced with the hard task of waking them up and getting them dressed. Leo looked over at their sleeping forms and was struck with a fierce longing for Kun. He was so good with crying, tantrum-throwing children, having had his own experiences alone with Benja since his divorce with Giannina. 

Leo sighed and got up. Time to get moving. 

 

Kun’s leg bounced up and down in nervousness. He would make it to the funeral just in time for it to start, but only just. He glanced back at Benja, who had fallen asleep in the back seat. He hoped Thiago and Mateo’s spirits would be lightened when their little friend showed up,

Now if only the cars in front of him weren’t so _slow_. He beeped his horn in annoyance, cutting in and out of traffic. 

There was no way he wasn’t going to be there for Leo. Not in a million years

 

As soon as Leo set foot in the big stone church Thiago started crying. There were too many faces and too many people and his mother wasn’t there and he was tired and he just couldn’t take it.

Leo did an about face and walked right out.

“ _Mi vida_ , please stop crying. Please Thiago, we need to get back in there.” 

But Thiago wouldn’t listen. And so Mateo, seeing his brother’s tears, started to sniffle as well. 

Leo almost broke down. He stared up at the sky as his sons clung to him, suddenly irrationally angry at the sun that was shining so bright upon the grief and sadness that was enveloping his little family. He fiercely wished for rain and clouds to match the turmoil being carried out within him and around him. How could this be happening to him? Him! Lionel Messi! The love of his life gone and his two babies motherless. Leo bowed his head and sunk down onto the top step as Thiago continued to cry.

“Thiago you have to stop crying _hijo_ , we have to go inside now!” Leo was trying not to lose his patience and his voice was sharper than he intended. Thiago only clung to him harder. 

“Thiago, please. Please _cariño_ , I can’t—.”

“Leo.” Leo glanced up and his breath left him in one big woosh. 

Kun. 

It was Kun. His best friend Kun and little Benja, both tired and a little bit rumpled but they were _here_. Kun was here. 

Maybe everything was going to be okay. 

 

The funeral was a blur. Leo was numb to it all if he was being really honest. The speeches, the tears, the whispers. 

Except for Kun. 

Kun he could feel — his warmth, his support, his light touch. It was Kun who sat with him as the service took place. It was Kun who stood by him as they laid her body to rest. It was Kun who led him from place to place with a gentle hand on his lower back. 

Somehow, Kun was breaking through the blankness that currently isolated Leo heart, mind, and soul. 

Back at the house he robotically thanked the many friends who showed up. He smiled when appropriate, accepted all the hugs and condolences, and even promised to call if he needed _anything_. 

But he wasn’t going to call. And if they knew Leo well enough, they probably realized that. 

The kids had been put to bed even before the last guests had left; they were exhausted, confused, and hurting — even if they really didn’t know why. 

Only Kun and Leo were awake now. 

Leo sat out on the porch swing, a glass of wine in his hand. His bare feet brushed against the smooth wood floor as he slowly swung, back and forth, back and forth. He didn’t look up as the sliding door opened and footsteps quietly approached him. 

Kun sat down, momentarily stopping the steady rhythm of the porch swing before pushing off with his feet once more.

It was peaceful Leo had to admit. 

“Talk to me Leo.” 

“What do you want me to say?” 

“Something. Anything. How do you feel? When are you going home? What are your plans? Just talk Leo. You have to.”

Leo was quiet for a moment, mulling over what to say to his best friend. 

“I’ll go home next week.” He paused, considering his next words. “And I don’t want to take off anymore days from training. I want to continue with the same schedule I’ve always had. No major changes.”

Kun’s eyes widened in shock. “Are you sure that’s what you want? So soon? No break?”

Leo was certain. “It’s what I want. If I take a break I’ll just dwell on – on her, and – and on the _incident_ and I just can’t have that. I need to move forward. And I need to keep the boys moving forward. If their routine doesn’t change, it will help them.”

Kun was silent, deciding against pointing out Leo’s inability to say the words ‘death’ and ‘Anto’ in the same sentence. Leo glanced at him out of the corner of his eyes.

“Do you not agree?”

Kun shifted. “I agree with the last part. Kids are used to routine, Thiago especially. It will do them good to continue with school and daycare.” He paused again.

“But?” Leo prompted. 

Kun sighed and turned to face him. He reached over and took one of Leo’s hands, lacing his fingers through them. His tanned skin contrasted with Leo’s pale one. 

Kun chuckled. “You never could get a proper tan could you. Anto and you would spend the same amount of time at the beach and she’d come home looking like a bronzed goddess and you’d still be pale as death.” He winced. Poor choice of words. He glanced at Leo’s face, mouth opening to apologize.

Leo laughed softly — his first laugh in three days. 

“She’s way out of my league isn’t she…Or was, rather.” His smile fell slightly. “I never could understand how I got that lucky.” 

Kun laughed, squeezing his hand, “You guys ended up together because Anto chose you, don’t you forget it.” Leo smiled at that. Anto was a force of nature. Beautiful and soft, but also strong willed. It was Leo who married up, not the other way around. 

“ _La hermosa diosita y la pulga_ ,” Leo whispered softly. *

Silence fell again.

Kun squeezed Leo’s hand once more. He still had yet to answer Leo’s previous question.

“I think you should take some time off and away from football. Knowing you, you won’t listen to me. But I have to say it anyway, just so you know how I feel.” Kun leaned over and brushed Leo’s hair away from his forehead, nudging his face towards him.

“I can’t fathom how you’re feeling, but I’m guessing you feel a bit empty right now and a bit lost. And football seems like the way to jump back in and fill that…void. But maybe it’s best to not fill that void with anything right now, and just focus on yourself and Thiago and Mateo. They need you.”

“But I’ll _be_ there for them. Of course I will. They come first, before football, before everything. I know that.” 

Silence again.

Kun sighed, knowing Leo was thinking of a way to politely disagree with the rest of Kun’s opinions. 

“Like I said, I already know you won’t listen to me,” Kun smiled at him, bumping him with his shoulder and giving him a way out. 

“You know me pretty well,” Leo acknowledged.

And that was that. 

Kun reached over and plucked Leo’s wine glass out of his free hand, tilting it up and draining it in one gulp.

“That was expensive wine.” Leo glared at him.

Kun laughed cheekily. “Oh was it? I didn’t really notice.”

“That’s why you're supposed to drink it slowly and _savor_ it you idiot.”

Kun laughed again, setting the glass on the railing behind him and rising to his feet. He drew Leo up near to him and grasped his face in both hands.

“I love you Leo. I’m here for you. Always have been and always will. I know you don’t ask for help and I know you don’t think you need it. But I’m here. Please don’t forget it. I loved Anto very much and —” Kun voice broke softly, his eyes sad. 

Anto was his friend too. They’d met many years ago, when Kun had come to visit Leo after an injury. He was all set to berate his best friend about taking it easy and resting when he found Leo on the couch surrounded by pillows and snacks with a TV remote in his hand. Kun had loved Anto ever since. Anyone who could make Leo relax for once in his life was a goddess in his book. And she loved Leo just as much as he did…in every sense of the word. So there was that.

Leo took Kun’s hands from off his face and placed them around his waist as he leaned in for a hug. They stood like that for a moment, both thinking about their loss. 

“I’m here for you Leo,” Kun whispered again, his lips against Leo’s cheek. “Don’t forget.” 

He wished he could repeat it a _hundred_ more times because Leo _would_ forget. He would forget that Kun had told him this, he would forget to ask for help, he would forget that there were people out there who loved him and _wanted_ to make his life easier. Leo tended to that. To conveniently forget. 

Kun squeezed Leo once and dropped his arms down, grabbing Leo’s hand once again. 

“Let’s go sleep. It’s been a long day.”

Leo nodded in agreement as he let Kun lead him inside. 

And later that night when Leo fell asleep in his own bed, still feeling as if Kun’s arms were around him and Kun’s lips were on his cheek, he brushed it off as loneliness. There was that void Kun had so kindly spoken of. And for that second Kun had filled it.

Just for a moment though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *the beautiful goddess and the flea

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not a Spanish speaker so please excuse my meager attempts lol. Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! More to come soon!


End file.
